Gray and Grizzled Food Fan

1) Pueblo Nuevo (N. Lindbergh): Greatest Guadalajaran restaurant in the Midwest. Don’t worry about the gunshops, liquor stores and check cashing operations in the area. People mind their own business, at least in the early, happy part of Friday night.

The genius green burrito is flatter and less obese than the California version and far tastier. As with burgers, burrito components need to be in harmonious proportion; here they are. A great balance of rich white cheese, shredded pork, homemade beans and a biting, tart green sauce. Speaking of sauce, hot kitchen-fried tortilla chips with the house red salsa are fantastic and free. This squeeze bottle sauce is dark, smoky, hot and addictive. You’ll quickly find yourself scoring a take-home extra bottle at the front counter. I used to have it shipped to college.

The tapatío style quesadillas are, though not free, also a bargain and a great way to wrap up the savory section of dinner. These are not the lazy Tex-Mex broiler creations that populate most bar menus, but rather lovingly deep fried dough pockets filled with loads of cheese and strips of hot jalapeño. Drizzle some of the smoky hot sauce on top to bring the meal together.

Settle in for another beer or two and then finish with a sopapilla and ice-cream. The PN version is a world away from the Hacienda chain Mexican monstrosity that plagues most of St. Louis. At these prices, tables do turn quickly, so tip well and don’t linger.
2) Kreis’ (S. Lindbergh Rd.): For rubicund men of a certain age, prosperity and girth, this is paradise on earth and a second home. For the rest of us, this is a place to visit on occasion and savor. No need to do penance with the sad scrawny food prudes afterwards, but it’s an Olympian endeavor for me to eat here more than once a week.

Tables are well spaced to accomodate those who need to wedge an avoirdupois between table and chair. Drinks are stiff enough to keep the rose on the cheeks of the roseate. Above all, standing rib roast is carved in juicy, plate-bending portions at prices that remind you you’re not in Kansas (City) anymore. This is a better deal than KC’s steakhouses and a wonderful way to spend a long cold evening. Hunting lodge feel and temperature are great around Christmas.

2) Carl’s (Manchester Road): Best burger and root-beer float combination in town. This is what Steak n Shake purports to offer. Root beer is mixed in house and burgers are made before your eyes. You’ll wait a bit for a counter seat, so come prepared to salivate and cast daggers at those who linger over a burger, or, heaven forbid, reload with a second round. Of course, you’ll want to do the same when your turn arrives.

3) Steak ‘n Shake (various locations). Perfect late night hangout for teenagers and those behaving like teenagers. Fifties feel isn’t forced, though pseudo-Native American Takhomasak takeout brand is absurd.

Highlights include selection of luxury shakes, hot pepper sauce–which is good for tests of manhood on a Saturday night and atop city-best skinny frie– and a bizare excellent chili topped spaghetti dish with many colorful condiments (best when Widespread or Moe is in town).

4) Ted Drewes (Chippewa): A former local tennis great found his true calling in world-class frozen custard. Head to South St. Louis. Wait in line for an hour. Run into everyone you know. Watch a team of Disney quality smiling teenagers mix frozen custard concretes thick enough to turn upside down. Combinations are endless, but I enjoy blueberry chocolate chip.

5) Farotto’s: Fried ravioli are a St. Louis original. Breaded and deep-fried with marinara sauce, they’re a perfect starter to a meal or bar snack.

Warnings:

1) Avoid Imo’s. Imo’s is an overrated chain serving square slices of Silly putty string cheese-soggy crust pizza. I’m not a cubist nor am I a masochist. This chain doesn’t cut it.

2) St. Louis Ribs aren’t a St. Louis thing: People aren’t that fastidious about their rib cut. KC, Memphis, TX and the Carolinas can fight their blood feuds over great barbecue. Other than local pride in Maull’s barbecue sauce, the St. Louis natives aren’t impassioned fans.

Hall of Fame:

Fio’s La Fourchette: Now gone, this was the greatest fine-dining value in the U.S.  The six course prix-fixe menu was merely the start of a negotiation, not the finish. Fio’s allowed substitution of five or six options for each course with no supplementary charge and no requirement that the whole table do the same thing. I have no idea how the kitchen could pull off the timing, but they always did.

On top of flexibility of ordering options, diners could also request seconds or thirds on as many courses as they liked. I often did so during softshell crab season. Great sauces, great bread service, even grand souffles that turned a cliché into a deal-clincher. I hope someone takes up the torch.

This tiny island is a genteel place from gentler times–Everything that’s best about the unpretentious Gulf side of the state.

1) Harry’s Continental Kitchen (Longboat): Order the rare sirloin sandwich on a baguette with béarnaise. Add a half pint of gazpacho and max out with a split of champagne and a slice of Key Lime pie. Perfect for poolside picnic.

2) Star Fish (Cortez): Head a few miles off the island for a low-key sunset snack.  A rustic seafood shack attached to a barebones seafood store, this is the place to order a fried softshell crab sandwich and a beer or two. Watch the fishermen (Cortez is still an active fishing/smuggling village) come in and the pelicans dine on scraps. Views of the mangroves are an added bonus. Even the oysters, not a regional specialty, are good.

3) Euphemia Haye: French country on Longboat Key. Oddly enough, best at pepper-crusted beef and Caesar salad. Not a hint of local in this anti-Norman Van Aiken crowd pleaser. Watch out for leering raccoons by the dumpster. My first great meal here was fettucine alfredo with escargots, a raisin nut bread with European butter, caesar salad and homemade blueberry cheesecake, circa 1985. If you call ahead, you can still make it happen.

The Haye Loft upstairs is a great capper for a night out here or at another restaurant on the island. Much more casual than downstairs, it nonetheless has a serious selection of the kind of cakes and pies that used to be displayed on dessert trolleys in Continental restaurants. Some decent if unspectacular digestifs as well.

Chef did Beard House Thanksgiving recently.

4) The Buccaneer: Pirate’s plunder of free plastic toys for kids. Straightforward seafood menu with loads of tacky terroir. Foil-wrapped potatoes, broiled grouper and a stiff rum drink make for the perfect early dinner. Walk the planks afterwards and check out the modern-day pirates’ yachts.

5) Tail of the Pup (St. Armand’s Circle): Chargrilled bacon wrapped cheddar cheese dog and a root beer float were the perfect antidote to a rainy day until this place closed.  Now that it’s gone, stop by Publix when clouds circle, pick up ingredients and put together at home.

When more and more intense alcohol seems like a good idea:

1) Marc (Daniel): Hard to find Marc at all, especially this good and well-priced. Great light for lingering in the afterglow. Gracious service may help nudge you over the abyss, i.e. a second. See M.F.K. Fisher on what happens if you order the third!

2) High-end Grappa (Alto): Best 25 dollars I’ve spent on liquor. The oak-aged grappa was profound and complex and memorable and worth sharing. I’d take the oaked grappa over añejo or aged rum any day.

3) House-made hooch grappa (Otto): Fun flavors, relatively cheap and served with Señor Frog’s Cancún flair. This is a digestivo that doesn’t take itself seriously.

4) Blue Smoke Bourbon (Blue Smoke): Helps settle the barbecue, but beware when you settle the tab–it’ll set you back 25 bucks or so.

5) Deli-coffee and Gramercy Tavern thank-you muffin at 3AM: Best way to fight off the cold-sweats after polishing off the seven-course menu with cheese supplement. A seltzer chaser helps as well.

Top Pedigree: Ivy League chefs

Harvard: Jeremiah Tower of Chez Panisse and Stars empire

Princeton: Patricia Yeo of Sapa; Kate Zuckerman of Chanterelle

Yale: Ming Tsai of Blue Ginger; Dave Lieberman of Food Network

Top talkers: Most erudite and articulate men of letters

Mario Batali (Rutgers): First of all, the best food educator out there. Clarity, concision and lack of condescension larded with Waverly Root-like regional specificity. He also has Calderon, Lope and Tirso de Molina in his back pocket from his college days.

Anthony Bourdain (Vassar/CIA): Voracious culture vulture. Quick Dennis Miller-esque references and also throws in some French poets.

Jeffrey Steingarten (Harvard): The William F. Buckley of food media, but a hapless amateur chef.

Top Gastro-geeks: Most gloriously nerdy use of technology to enhance taste and texture of food.

Homaru Cantu; Grant Achatz; Graham Bowles (Willy Wonkas of the Windy City)

Wylie Dufresne (LES pioneer)